I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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