Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
