I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
