i don't like sucking hair
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I won the penis lottery.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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