Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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