...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
