Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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