DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
