I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
