I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
