Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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