Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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