so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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