just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
FUCK WHALES
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