i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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