I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
