The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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