see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize