Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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