How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
