Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
