I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
