Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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