I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
