The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize