I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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