Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I CAN MOONWALK!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
