My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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