So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
