Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize