Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
