And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
