Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
