Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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