Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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