This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
