oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the day after is always just damage control
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
