Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
