'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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