and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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