I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
