Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
