Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
