I puked a lego.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
