I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
