well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
