i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have fence marks all over my body
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
