I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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