The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
