Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
