K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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