i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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