If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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