MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
