ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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