you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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