now i know why i became what i already was.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
