He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
