awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
