The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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