But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
