i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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