I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
