you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
