I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
