1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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