Your tits are I can't wait for
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
