Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
