Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He kissed a someone with a penis
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize