jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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