Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
