I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
