What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
